But Wait...It Has Only Been A Week!

Not even...and here I am again!?  A new recent record.

I am aiming for 500 words a day.  I have joined a 31-day writing challenge to write 500 words a day for 31 days.  I  hope to improve and develop my writing skills and the way to do it is to, well, write!

So today's Challenge Guide is to set my goals.  What do I want to write? What is the ultimate outcome that I am looking for?  How often will I write?  And how much?

Well the last questions are the easiest to answer so I will attack them first.  I will write 500 words a day, every day, for 31 days.  A month.  A long month.  You know, the months that have more than 29 or 30 days.  Some of this will be with blogging.  Some of this will be by doing Morning Pages which I try to do daily anyway.  I always get my 500 words in the Morning Pages but I am challenging myself to write an additional 500 words with blogging.  I am finding the weekends when everybody is around to be a challenge.  This weekend I managed the Morning Pages, but not necessarily in the morning.  Saturday night they ended up being Late Night Pages.  But at least I wrote!  Blow the trumpets...the goal achieved.

What do I want to write?  I want to write a blog.  Consistently.  Without letting it die like I let this one die.  The goal floating around my head right now is to not add my writings to this blog like I have been doing, but to start a new blog dedicated to growing my artistic talent (which is pretty miniscule to begin with) and my creativity, and following  my progress and growth as I take various courses in drawing and painting and Zentangling and writing in pursuit of digging out whatever talent might lie within me that is trying to come out.  That was a mouthful!  I will soon be starting that blog but time has been limited the last few days and I didn't want to procrastinate at least starting on my goals any longer.

What is the Ultimate Outcome that I am looking for?  I want to be a writer.  And to be an artist.  I want a positive creative outlet where my soul can spread itself out and express itself instead of being cramped up and stuffed down inside me as it has been for 50 years.  I want to be free...and right now I feel the way to free myself is to express myself.  It may not be so great right now but I hope practice will make perfect and if not perfect it will at least make progress.  I don't know if I can but I am hopeful and that is all I have to go on for now.  I have journaled and written my Morning Pages on and off for years.  It is time to open up and take all of that to a new level.

I have struggled and stammered and stumbled like crazy the last ten or more years.  I am tired of all of that and I am so excited about the freedom of creativity, even if I am not such a creative person yet.  Just writing about it and doing the little things I do towards those goals open up a heart which has felt dead and lifeless for a while now.  I am ready to feel and express and live again.  And find myself along the way.

The Wind In My Face….Then Out Of My Sail

Today I logged in my 50th (and  51st and 52nd) mile on my mission to walk a minimum of 300 miles by the end of this year.

I have made sure I get out walking at least three days a week if not four, and been trying to add extra steps during my day, tracking them with this (untrustworthy I believe) little guy!The past few days I have been having some lots of frustration for me in that I don’t feel I am shaving any time off of my miles!  

In trying to think of improvements, I definitely feel a little more sure in my steps and don’t fear falling as much.  I do think my legs have a little more strength to them and are not as wobbly. 

We have way too high front steps with no banisters…and at my worst I had to hang on to the column for support to get down the steps and make sure I landed on perfectly even ground…or I would go down the steps the hard way!!!  I did realize this morning that while I do not bound down the steps, I also don’t have to put a death grip on the column to go down them either.

Perhaps the walking. 

Perhaps the fact that legs have 30 pounds less to lug around.

Perhaps a combination of the two.

And so I get towards my point…

I walk around the perimeter of a large squarish-shaped, open field park, 7/8 mile for one lap.  This morning it was quite windy!  Around two of the sides the wind was fierce, blowing right towards me and into my face and I had to work hard against it.  Sometimes I felt I was on a treadmill, walking in place!

But it was also very warm today and I left my water bottle in the car so I wouldn’t have to carry it.   I pushed hard…sweating…breathing hard…trying to speed up as fast as my poor legs could manage, even against the resistance of the wind.   I really want to start bringing my time down.

And then on my third lap around this runner passed me.  Dressed in a large hat, black pants, a long-sleeved black jacket, and a thick towel wrapped around her neck like a winter scarf.   I was actually starting to feel a little bad from the heat…pushing mid80s today…and she was running in this, (running past me of course) dressed for the 50s!

It kind of kicked me down a notch mentally…but physically I still  pushed harder and a little faster. 

Then this other lady passed me…she was about my age and weight.    And she was simply walking, not running, not jogging, not power walking.   She was simply walking.  Not breaking a sweat…she looked like she was out for a casual stroll.   But she “casually strolled” right by me and left me in the dust like I was standing still.  I couldn’t believe how far ahead she was within 5 minutes after going by me!

And that just took the wind right out of my sail.   I don’t know why I let it.  I know it is not a competition.   But I am competitive by nature…even if I am competing with myself.  And I started having all of these negative thoughts inside my head!

Why isn’t my time coming down?

Why aren’t I making progress?

What if I am never going to be able to gain strength and get faster?

What if there is no UP for me, and where I am today is the best I will ever be!!!

I was set to do one more lap…but I gave up and went to the car and went home. 

I  am not giving up…I still have hope, and I also know that no matter what speed I am, it is vital for me to be out there pushing my legs or I will definitely deteriorate. 

But on this one windy day the wind sure blew out of my sail quickly!

Back to home…I talked to my mom on the phone, worked a little, and crossed some things off my to-do list, goofed off a little..and all of a sudden it was 1 ‘clock (how did that happen?) and I was starving!!!

Once again I did a quick scroungefest for lunch…looking to see what the fridge had to offer me!

• A baggie of cooked lentils, leftover from when I cooked way too many last week for a lentil salad dinner.

• A sweet and crunchy organic carrot.

• Organic grape tomatoes!

• EVOO and balsamic (not in fridge!)

• and a red organic pear (that everybody keeps mistaking for an apple around here.)

Other than a minute or three for some carrot and tomato chopping and dicing…this came together in no time flat!  And was so filling I couldn’t even finish it. Red pear was on the side…not in the salad..although  that may have actually been kind of interesting to try!

Then look what was taunting me…singing to me…left next to my computer this morning (I type on my laptop on the dining room table!).

I  had to buy one!

Of course I picked the healthiest one (wink wink)

I have to say I am SPOILED!  Compared to all of the high-end organic dark chocolate brands I usually buy, this tasted awful!   Look at that paltry sprinkle of chopped almonds in there..three little bits on the left side! 

I don’t care what they say, this is certainly not The World’s Finest!

I am kind of glad though…I will not be tempted  to buy more of these!

Now…off to work on the taxes.  Have I ever mentioned I was a CPA before I had kids?   LOL…kind of embarrassing…I don’t think waiting until April 14 is very CPA like! 

Blogger Giveaways

Some more great blogger giveaways I have come across this week!

Amanda from Run To The Finish has a great motivating giveaway going on now.  The Three Changes Challenge inspires you to make three small changes in your life that will make an impact on your lifestyle or goals.  She has a bunch of great prizes for this challenge!  My daughter wants me to win just so she can get the Subway GC!

I chose to limit my computer time outside of work, drink a minimum of  54 ounces of water daily, and to add resistance band training to my weekly walking to try to strengthen my muscles!  Of course I just ate an hour of my computer “fun time” on this post!

Tricia from Endurance Isn’t Only Physical is back with another giveaway as well from GE to help promote National Women’s Health Week.  You can win a $20 health-themed gift card for entering this one.

My Weight Path in 2009

2009 started a whole new way of eating living for me my family.

My weight has always been an up and down source of frustration for my.  Highest after my pregnancies, of course, lowest after my divorce!

In 2002 when I met my husband I was at a low weight, felt great, and looked great too!

FabHubs loved to cook too!  He would make all sorts of wonderful meals for me.  One morning he surprised me at home with a cooler…and in the cooker was homemade sausage gravy and homemade biscuits…all from scratch too!  They were still warm from the oven at his house.

Over the course of the next four years, he began to do all of the cooking in the house, and I began to gain weight. 

By 2009 I was at my all-time high, and weighed more than 50 pounds higher than I was when I  first met FabHubs.

I weighed slightly more than I did in the ninth month of my first pregnancy!!!

Compound this with getting older as well as a form of muscular dystrophy that I have which makes my legs very weak, in 2009 I found myself in the worst shape of my life.

Even though I have never been able to do everything physically that everyone else could, I have always pushed myself to try to do as much as I can.  I have camped, hiked, spent a summer physically active in Israel, gone to the gym, and more…even when it was uncomfortable or I just couldn’t do it like everyone else could.

But I had let myself go…..and by spring 2009 I couldn’t do basic outdoor physical activities without assistance.  I have always prided myself on being independent…but this gradually came to a halt and more and more I was finding I had to depend on my husband for help.  This really frightened and upset me!

When camping, on the air mattress on the floor, I was unable to get up by myself.  FabHubs had to pick me up.   Same if I fell down…and because my legs were so weak, I fell easily.  If I stepped wrong and my foot didn’t land flat on the floor, if I bumped into something and it threw me off balance, or if someone ran into me…down I would go.  And once I fell down, I needed to be picked up…I couldn’t get up myself.  If I was alone I had to  struggle to get to a chair or couch or something…and then somehow get myself up…a total exertion, and an exhausting, frustrating, humiliating process.

Sometimes one of my legs would just buckle…and that was that…down I went!

Even though I wasn’t even over 200 pounds, my poor weak legs just couldn’t handle  what they had to carry around.

Between January and June 2009 I found that I was falling more and more frequently!!  And that frightened me.

I began to find more and more that I was unable to get up from many chairs…chairs without arms, low chairs and benches, even  folding camping chairs…FabHubs would have to pick me up from them.   Doctor’s office waiting rooms,  mall sofas, movie theater chairs, even restrooms….all became areas that most people sit down to rest without a second thought, but for me, many times I would just stand rather than sit down and take a chance I could not get up.  And that frightened me!

Stairs…daunting for people with this disease at a normal weight, became almost impossible.   You may as well have been asking me to tackle Mt. Everest.

Even walking was starting to get difficult.   I could make a mile on a walking course…but by two miles I would be concerned that my now tired legs would give out and I would fall.

This disease runs in the family….my mother and aunt both have it too.  And neither of them have taken care of themselves.   I could easily see where I would/could be in 25 years.  And that frightened me too!

By nature I love being active  and am a thrill-seeker.  After my divorce  I jumped out of an airplane, as a teen I hiked to the top of Mt. Masada and worked on a kibbutz, I loved being on the back of a racing rice rocket (those fast Japanese motorcycle!!!) and learned to drive them myself (the only reason I never got one was again the weakness….I worried about my legs, and that I didn’t have the strength to pick it up if I dropped the bike!)

I LOVE the outdoors…hiking…canoeing….the mountains.  I don’t mind roughing it at camp.  And while I have never been able to do everything I have wanted physically and have always needed some type of help….or was always the last one in….still, I had always been able to make it.

And now I finally realized that I may not be able to do any of these things anymore.

And that frightened me!!!!!

I did do not want to be some wheelchair-bound, dependent  old lady…especially at the young age of 50 or 60 (I am not there yet!!!!)

And the only one who would be able to prevent that is ME!!!

And so in June 2009 I finally decided to take matters into my own hands!!!

To Be Continued……

Down With The Count….

Counting that is…and while my counting efforts are down, my weight loss is not!

Over the last five weeks now I have hovered up and down between the same three weights.  I had no doubt that by the end of November I would have crossed another 0 and be in the 160s…a sure victory!  And I was pretty excited about this.

But that has not happened at all.

And I am kind of frustrated.

When I first started Weight Watchers back on July 20 I counted my points religiously.  I weighed, measured, and entered in my online tracker everything that went into my mouth.

I entered recipes into the recipe tracker and carefully divided the portions so I would know what I was getting.

I hoarded my weekly allowance points for the weekends when FabHubs would cook his mega-point breakfasts.

And my weight slowly but steadily went down!  I ate well…but tracked well.  And while the weight never dropped like a rock, it descended steadily at a beautiful and encouraging pace.

And then as I began to drop more and more processed foods and meat products from my diet I began to stop measuring.  After all, most of the points were in the meat…not the veggies!

But after five weeks it is clear that just because I am eating a mainly plant-based diet, the weight is not going to come off on its own. 

Somehow and I really am not sure where…I am getting too many points for my body.

I think it is a combination of too many points AND I really really really need to find a way to make time to exercise daily.   The time is still a problem for me….

• I work,
• I blog,
• I have a camping website,
• I do Boy Scouts,
• I do Girl Scouts (and am the cookie chairperson for our troop….with cookie sales starting NOW!),
• I am room mom in my daughter’s school and help in the school  and go on all the field trips,
• I am the coordinator for my neighborhood’s weekly organic produce delivery,
• I cook,
• I run the house,
• and I am sure there is more I can’t think of right now!

I need more hours in the day!

But back to the topic at hand.

I am still paying for my WW online program but I am not using it right now…and that has to change.

I need to focus!  I need to set goals!  I guess the new year coming is the perfect time for that, isn’t it!

I need to track my points and commit to exercise!

Overall by the time July 20, 2010 comes around I  would like to have reached my goal and be down 50 pounds from where I started. 

After floundering and flip-flopping up and down, I think it is time to recommit to my goals.

The year-end is approaching, a great time to review your year and to commit or recommit to your goals.

Have you started thinking about yours yet?

Eating Out Of The Box

No, not the cardboard box or the drive-through box….but The Produce Box of course! 

For almost two months now I have been getting a weekly box of organic produce.  And as of last week, I am the new coordinator for the produce box in my neighborhood.  This means the driver pulls up his delivery trunk every Monday and the whole shebang comes to me in huge boxes.  I then have to sort it for all those “subscribers” in my neck of the woods to come pick it up from me.   All this hard work is now rewarded by my box being heavily discounted….sort of bartering for our food now.

Subscribing to a wholesale organic co-op has presented us with many delights as well as many challenges over the past two months.

Starting with the delights, we love the fruit!  The fruit seems to be fresher and so much sweeter….it has flavor!  As I was working yesterday, I kept smelling the enormous pineapple we had received in last week’s box and I knew it was sending out its message that it was finally ready for us to eat it….immediately.  

So afraid of it not making it through the night, last night for dessert I peeled and cut up this huge pineapple (did I tell you this was one of the biggest pineapples I have ever seen!  The kids have been marveling over its size all week….it takes little things in our household I tell you)

OMG…it was incredible!!!  Sweet and slurpy….the juice was running down the kids’ chins with every bite….everyone was fighting for more.   The other fruit is no different….grapes, bananas, apples, berries…everything I get is so sweet!  The grapes are amazing!  Crisp and crunchy….far better than what I usually get in the grocery store.  And I have no guilt over the pesticides or whether I washed it enough. 

Another plus is the opportunity to try new things.  We don’t have a choice in our box…we get what we get (and we don’t get upset….LOL.. sorry…I reverted back to kids’ preschool days!).   We had never even heard of kiwi berries but boy now do we love them!   We had heard of purple and gold cauliflower but I had never bought them….but they were in the box on different weeks and so we tried them. 

But because of all of the produce, every week we are in a race against the week! 

First obstacle is to get everything eaten that might go bad…before it goes bad!  Surprisingly I have had to throw out very little over the two months….one head of escarole, one head of arugula, and one tangerine…even that upset me.  Not just the waste of food…but I wanted to try them!  Sometimes though I just run out of time and ideas. 

So I now I really work to manage my produce….making sure all the really perishable produce is eaten first and the hard rootier type stuff (apples, pears, pumpkins, hard winter squashes, potatoes) are used second.  

The second obstacle is to eat as much as we can before the next week’s delivery!  Or we will be overrun…with more things to go bad and no room in the fridge to store! 

And so the produce box has encouraged a hugely plant-based diet with huge salads and multiple side dishes dominating our meals.  The government says 5 a day?  Ha Ha!  I think in this house we are running 12-15 a day easy!

Healthwise we are on a definite roll here…and our tastebuds and foodie senses have been blessed (some of us more happily than others of course…I won’t mention my veggie scrooges…FabHubs and FabPreteen).

But boy am I challenged at times!

We have never been huge convenience food people as far as boxed and prepackaged items are concerned.  But I always had a few boxed backups available in the pantry for those days we are on the run….and I guess most days we are running.  Between homework and scouts and other activities our schedule is jam-packed.

But unless I am going to feed everyone baked potatoes and salad every night, I am struggling sometimes to come up with fast easy meals, that are healthy and using the produce.

I scour the internet for new ideas whenever we get a new box.  I am desperately trying to avoid the same-old, same-old, day in, day out, while also trying to appeal to all of the different idiosyncrasies and tastebuds in my house.  Gone are the easy days of throwing a chicken breast on the Foreman, steaming some broccoli, and cooking some rice and that would be fine for everyone. 

Now I have recipe research to do and tons of veggies to peel, chop, and cook.  And that takes time.   Sometimes a lot of time.   Sometimes too much time!  I can easily see why working mommies forgo the homecooked meals and veggies and turn to the cardboard box….or the drive-through box.  It is taking work to keep my family and me healthy and it is very hard to just throw something together.  

Something else that has also changed is the menu planning.  On good weeks I would sit and plan a menu and then shop for the week.   On not so good weeks I would figure out what’s for dinner based on what was in the fridge/freeze/pantry.  Now our meals are almost completely based on what came in the box this week or what I have left that needs to be used up!

Many nights I am really struggling to avoid the eye-rolls at dinner, and make it fast, healthy, delicious, interesting………and meatless.  That has been a huge challenge.  The family has been raised with meat being the center of the meal and the veggies being the sides.  And I get a lot of, “That’s It?” comments for dinner.  

Some of you have complimented my cooking….but while I have always been able to follow a recipe, over the past almost eight years I have done pretty much NONE of the cooking in this household!  Yep….my highly carnivorous, supermetabolistic FabHubs has always been the main cook around here….cooking of course delicious, very high-fat foods to support HIS superman metabolism.   So  now that we are cooking healthy…he is at a loss and, well, just doesn’t do much cooking anymore!

And being the tough, independent person that I am, I quickly realized that if I want my family and me to eat like this, I would have to go back to the kitchen myself.

I am proud of myself how adept I am becoming at learning how to adapt good recipes I find to whatever veggies and spices we have on hand.  Most of what you see me cook has started out as a recipe I found somewhere…but after cooking the same recipes over and over, somehow I have learned how to use a recipe’s basic framework, and give it some major renovations and adaptations in order to use up whatever came in my box that week….or last week….or sometimes even the week before. 

And so I am surprised how getting this produce box has really opened up my ability to cook (although we still eat a lot of roasted balsamic veggies as an old standby!) and is stretching my abilities past the same old cooking box I had gotten myself into.

Yes, I am having some very frustrating cooking nights these days….and I don’t feel like my cooking is much of a hit with the family these days.  This can be somewhat depressing really!  But I know this too shall pass….and just as I have adapted, in the future they will too!

So based on the fact that I have 2 pounds of fresh green beans from last week’s box that need to be used up, several pounds of sweet potatoes that have piled up over the past few weeks (I am not sure what is wrong with my people…I seem to be the only one that loves or even likes them!), and finally, that the family does like curry….tonight’s menu (provided I have time!!)  will be an adaptation of this sweet potato curry recipe. 

I will let you know how it goes!

Struggling

As usual, I am fine when I am eating at home, but eating outside of the house is a real struggle for me.

And this week  has been a whirlwind of a week.  Starting with last Saturday, we had a Rosh Hashanah dinner out, which also served as a birthday dinner for my dad and husband (each with their own cake of course!).

Wednesday night came another birthday dinner out for Husband.

Friday night we were out at a field trip with the school and ate at Golden Corral.  Yes…I am still a sucker for their fried chicken and I had one piece, a thigh, with skin.

Saturday out at a Girl Scout event all day….only hot dogs and  chips available…and I ate one of each (not one chip…one bag though!).

Saturday night, on to the Boy Scouts with a local campout for our troop that lasted through Sunday.  I ate the chili and rice that was dinner.   And a taste of the two Dutch Oven cakes that were dessert.

Sunday morning  breakfast I loaded up my omelet with veggies.   But still.

Sunday night, dinner at our daughter’s house….with homemade pasta Alfredo and garlic bread and homemade cookies.  With no lunch I was hungry but I still took about a cup and a half of  pasta with some sauce on it.  And while everyone else had two and three slices of garlic bread I limited myself to one, but I still had one and felt  guilty for that.  And depressed that I feel guilty for wanting to have a piece of garlic bread along with every one else.   And the cookies were large…so I cut one into fourths and a quarter of a cookie. 

I never take seconds…and I take reasonable helpings.  But still…after all of that, the scale is still UP a pound from last week.  It  takes me two to three weeks to knock one pound off…and one week to easily put it right back on!

And today…not because of the weight, I don’t know what though…I am emotionally down and frustrated.  I have to go to the grocery store for the week today, and even meal planning is proving to be challenging for me at the moment.  I don’t know what to do for dinner…I am tired of the same old stuff..and I don’t want anything too complicated.  But I am feeling overwhelmed by choosing right now.

And finally, we are coming up on a month for the BL  weigh in and I really thought I would have more than 3 lbs off in a month…which is where I stand as of this morning!

I really need to get back on my wagon.